The Worst Fic Ever Made
by LaraSGCLena
Summary: Once upon a time two fanficwriters started to write a badfic :


TITLE: The Worst Fic Ever Made

AUTHORS: NE and Lara

E-MAIL: nameless_ and Lara_

STATUS: Complete(ly nuts)

CATEGORY: I don't know…all the categories?!

RATING: PG-13

CONTENT WARNINGS: The whole story!!

PAIRING: Janeway/Chakotay, Janeway/Boots, Seven/Doctor, Seven/Harry, Tom/B'Elanna and many others!! (Don't take it too seriously!!)

ARCHIVE: Not worth to archive!! But if anyone wants to , knock yourself out!! LOL

SUMMARY: Once upon a time two ficwriters started to write a badfic….

DISCLAIMER: Voyager and all it's characters don't belong snip….yada yada yada…. We only borrowed them to play around. We'll return them safely, only I doubt that you'll see Janeway ever again.

AUTHORS NOTES: LARA: I really had no idea for a badfic but this came up when NE and I were chatting and our imagination got a little out of hand…like always!LOL. Thanks to Callista for the challenge, and NE for writing with me. Thanks hun!! Oh and I'm not sorry for any mistakes in the story as this is supposed to be badfic. Oh and the song Paris and Chakotay are singing is on the theme of the Flintstones you know…No? Ah, well.

NE: Think the boots are partly my fault. Ehrrrm. But I blame Visi - don't kick me out of your divine club of JC nutters for saying that, Visi, oh almighty founder - u know I luv ya! ;) LOL :P Oh, and one more thing; Hail Lara, thy online presence late at night is greatly appreciated. As is your idea of turning our slightly insane ramblings over the mysterious Messenger into this piece of brilliant badfic. Amen. And all hail the Goddess (you know who) and thank you for our daily coffee. Now... about those boots:

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~JC~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~JC~*~*~*~*~*~

Once upon a time, there were two friends chatting and they were joking about beaming on the Voy and be invisible and all…so well I don't need to explain how or when because this is a badfic…down Fic…BAD Fic. But somehow they both ended on the Voy, invisible to pester certain crewmembers and to worship a certain Goddess.

So, while they found themselves on the Voy TOTALLY thrilled and half in shock, they started to have fun with their ability; to be invincible.

First victim: Harry. They both walked to Harry's quarters and Lara started to crack the door open.

"Hey, Lara. Where did you learn that?'

"Miss-spent youth."

"Oh. Well blame it on an alien virus like they all do here."

They walked in and spotted Harry who was drooling over some naked-Seven pictures the doctor was selling. NE sneaked to him and stood by his left side while Lara went to his right.

"BOE!!!!" The girls both yelled.

Harry let out a girlish scream and fainted.

NE grinned. "One down, 224 to go. Hey! Somebody left some food here…hmm…smells good."

…

"Acks effy ood!!"

"Sure, NE. Oh look, there's a note attached to the back of the plate…'For my honey Harry…love Seven."

"WHAT?!" NE spit everything out. "WATER, WATER…scratch that…COFFEE COFFEE!!"

"Here."

"I'm dying…I'm dying. Hey, thanks, where did you get that coffee from?!"

"Beats me…'s supposed to be badfic."

"Oh, yeah. Where was I?! Oh, yeah. I'm dying…I'm dy-"

"Look there. Janeway in boots."

NE raced out the room. "WHERE?!'

"Oh, damn. You just missed her."

~*~*~*~*~*~

Chakotay walked up to Janeway. "Chakotay. Handsome Chakotay. I'm the cutest guy in history" He bobbed his head on his own made music. Next to Janeway, where he always was, close to her, where he could sneak glances at her…on their way to the bridge. Hmm.

"Commander, what in the hell are you doing?!"

"Singing."

"Oh, is that what you were doing."

"Sure thing, Kathy."

Janeway eyed him. God, it's gonna be one of those days again!!

~*~*~*~*~*~A deck lower~*~*~*~*~*~

"Paris. Tom Paris. I'm the cutest guy in history."

"Tom, you pig. Stop it."

"Stop what?!" He asked while practicing how to look cool…with little success off course.

"I think it's called singing."

~*~*~*~*~

NE watched Harry and than looked up at Lara who was burning the pictures of Seven. "So, now what?"

Lara grinned evilly when the last pictures burned into nothing. "Hey there's Tuvok. Let's give him a coffee…one of which he won't forget and one we can have fun with!!"

NE frowned as Lara got a coffee cup out of nowhere and went after Tuvok, putting it right in front of him. Tuvok only looked but then took the cup and drank the whole stuff down. Lara shrugged and looked over at NE. "Guess it didn't work."

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lara threw herself on the ground in the middle of the corridor. "I'm pooped."

NE had the time of her life when everyone stumbled over the invisible Lara, and all landed flat faced on the ground, cursed looked around and then continued their way. Suddenly the Goddess and her angry warrior arrived.

Chakotay tripped over something, invisible and fell to the ground right on top of Janeway who had fallen too.

"You're obviously extremely pleased to know that I'm okay."

Chakotay stood up and shyly smiled knowing without even thinking what she meant. Can he help it that his little commander went crazy when it saw her. He cleared his throat and went on leaving an amused and wondering Janeway behind.

Janeway followed him but suddenly turned around and looked right at the spot where NE was standing. "I smell coffee." She sniffed in the air and walked right up to NE, she was standing nose to nose with her. "Hmm…weird." She swirled around and walked further entering the turbo-lift.

Lara laughed when she saw NE standing in shock, coffee muck in hand. "Wow, NE I bet noone of the JC café ever got that close to her.

NE only opened her mouth and made what seemed a very good impression of a gold fish. "I…I…I'm gonna faint."

Lara smiled, and helped NE to sit. "Here take some coffee…keeps you up ALL day."

NE sat on the ground throwing all the coffee in her mouth all in one.

Lara watched her for a while and then leaned against the wall. "Okay, who are we going to pester now?!"

~*~*~*~

In the meanwhile Janeway walked on to the bridge.

"Good morning Captain."

"Good morning Tom."

"Slept well?"

"Actually yes thank you!"

"You look very good!!"

"Don't push it Lieutenant."

Chakotay watched his captain with concern. "Something wrong, Captain?!"

"Cram it, Chakotay before my headache get's worse."

"You have a headache?!"

"Yeah, I didn't sleep for 48 hours."

"No wonder…if you drink 17 cups of coffee a day."

"26, actually. Really keeps you-"

But she was interrupted by Tuvok.

"Tuvok are you all right?"

"Erm…yep…erm…no? Darn, I can't decide. Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!!"

"Tuvok have you been doing drugs?"

"Tee-hee. I smell like pretty flowers. Tee-hee. I don't know, only drank coffee."

"Coffee?! Well no wonder your high."

"Commander if you're gonna insult my coffee again than I'm gonna give you a new invented work."

"?"

"Clean the windows…outside…with a toothbrush."

~*~*~*~*~

NE didn't answer as she was to busy being shocked and drinking coffee, probably dreaming about black boots.

Lara saw Seven emerge and an evil grin spread on her face. "Hehe, dead woman walking or should I say…dead booby walking."

When Seven walked by her, she let Seven trip over her foot and laughed her ass off when Seven stumbled and fell flat faced against the ground but she bounced right up again because of her silicon…erm…silicon…yeah what do you call those things?! Hmm….

"Damn." Lara cursed and Seven suddenly turned to her direction.

"Is someone there?!"

"Well, duuuuuuh, Seven."

"What is duh?"

"It means…forget it."

"State your identity."

Lara walked up to Seven and stood facing her, glaring her in the eyes although she knew that Seven couldn't see her. "Lara. Devoted-JC-and-Seven-hater-but-a-huge-Janewayfan-prefered-with-black-boots-of-the-Jccafe-who-is-addicted-to-coffee Lara."

Seven turned her head trying to take in all the information.

Lara grinned when she looked in Seven's left ear and could see right through to the other side. Okay, so that explained a lot. "But I'm not alone…BWA AHAHAHAHAHAH…ahum. I have a companion with me here."

Seven turned back at her, eyes wide open that Lara thought that her eyeballs were going to roll right out…would make very good little footballs….

"NE. Devoted-JC-and-Seven-hater-but-a-huge-Janewayfan-prefered-with-black-boots-of-the-Jccafe-who-is-addicted-to-coffee NE…see a pattern here?!"

"No."

"Man, how stupid are you?!" Lara rolled her eyes and looked over to NE who was busy writing something.

"I am proud to have an IQ of plastic silicon."

"Okay…little brain-damage along the way?!"

"When I last checked into sickbay, Poopyhead did not detect any brain damage."

"Erm…did I miss something?! Poopyhead?!"

"The Doctor."

"You're not messing with him to are ya?!"

"Yes." Seven looked so proud that Lara almost had to throw up.

"God, now wonder he's so stupid."

"I do not understand."

"Why doesn't THAT surprise me? Well, answer this: How come that men become smarter during sex?!"

"I do not know."

"Because they are plugged into a genius."

"What does that have to do with me having sex with the doctor and he becoming stupid?"

"Exactly."

"FINISHED!" NE yelled that Lara almost had a heart attack.

"Would you mind?!"

"Hehe, sorry." She walked over to Seven and patted her on the back, while pinning a note on her way too small cat suit

Lara curiously rose as she read the note NE wrote and cracked up.

_Dear Goddess of the Heaven we call Voyager,_

_This letter is only to inform you that two nutcases have invaded Voy._

_We're only here to fool and mess around and mean no harm…not yet._

_We'll leave only if you give us these things and we will leave you alone. We want these thing to stand in cargo bay 2:_

_your black boots_

_your recipe for coffee_

_1000 kg of coffee_

_900 Janeway dolls, so we can give each member of the JC café one so they can beat Seven with it_

_oh and Seven…we'll take REALLY good care of her!!_

_Sincerely, NE and Lara, two devoted JCers._

_PS: I don't want to be a 'miss tattle tale' but…THE BORG BITCH IS HAVING SEX WITH THE DOCTOR!!_

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Captain, we have to give them everything. God knows what they'll do to us!!"

"NO! I am NOT giving up my boots…for the rest I don't care. But the boots are MINE and I want to know who these JCers are what does JC stand for? Staff any idea's?!"

"Jolly Cows?"

"Jelly Cream?"

"Jingle Cells?"

"Joined Chicks?"

"Jaded Coffee?"

"Jerry Can?"

"Oh, yeah that's original Harry."

"Chakotay…why are you starring at my butt?!"

"I don't think you want to know."

"OOOOKAY…dismissed."

What Janeway didn't know was that NE had pinned yet another note on her butt; PROPERTY OF COMMANDER CHAKOTAY."

"Um, Captain.... I think I have an idea of what JC stands for."

"Oh?"

Chakotay braced himself. He drew a deep steadying breath. But just as he was about to speak, a giggle could be heard from the other end of the room."

"Stop it, Lara!" NE whispered..."they're gonnna hear us".

"So?" Lara answered between giggling fits.

"So... I wanna know what happens when he tells her."

Lara immediately grew quiet. "Ok."

But it was too late. The commanding officers was staring at the far end of the room.

"Who's there!" Janeway barked. It wasn't a question, more of a demand. NE took a step forward, opening her mouth to speak, but Lara caught her arm in time.

"What are you doing?!" she whispered.

"Sorry" NE answered "couldn't help it, she is the Captain after all."

Rolling her eyes, Lara dragged NE with her towards Chakotay. "I have an idea." she whispered.

Stepping up to Chakotay, she started chanting in his ear. "Tell her. Tell her. Tell her." NE immediately started doing the same in the poor guys other ear.

"Alright! Alright! I'll tell her!!" he finally shouted out loud, getting a very strange look from the Captain.

"Tell me what, Commander?"

"JC..."

"Yes?"

"It... uh... stands for... um..."

"Oh, for crying out loud, just tell me Chakotay!"

"Janeway and Chakotay." he said quickly and ran out of the room as fast as he could, leaving Janeway with a perplexed look on her face and two invisible nutty JCers giggling loudly.

"Who's there? What's this all about?" Janeway asked the empy room ,cos the JCers were already gone to create trouble elsewhere.

"Wanna go into the ready room?" NE asked

"Yeah!" Lara answered

They broke into the ready room and went straigt up to the altar which the Goddess calls her desk and started poking around.

"Oh... look what I found" Lara exclaimed loudly, holding out something she found in one of the drawers.

"What is it?" NE replied, deep in thought in front of the computer screen.

"Look!" Lara replied and held out the cutest photo of Janeway and Chakotay.

"Heee heee heee" was the only reply from NE.

Lara put the pic on the altar, straightening it a few times until she thought it looked nice. Just when she was done, a victorious yell from NE caught her attention.

"Yey! Did it!"

"Did what?"

"Duh! Broke into Janeways puter, of course. Wanna see her personal logs... heee heee heee"

"Yeah! But how did you do that?"

"You're not the only one with a mis-spent youth. Ok... now let's see what we've got... Hm.. do you remember the Stardate of Coda? or Resolutions?"

"Uhhh... no"

"Damn. I guess we'll just have to do this the hard way. Let's seeeeeee.... I'll just pick one, this one looks promising."

The image of the great Captain Janeway appeared on the screen, but just then, NE and Lara heard her voice outside the door too. A second later they were perched on the sofa, looking as innocent as they could, sweet smiles on their lips, forgetting that they were invisible. Then Janeway walked into the room.

"Kathryn Janeways personal log, stardate..."

"What the..."

Janeway walked up to the console to stop the playback, and in doing so, her back side came into the invicible girl's view. The sign was still there. Witch meant she had walked across the bridge showing it to anyone. At the sight of this, Lara began laughing so hard she fell off the sofa, and NE splurted coffee all over the carpet, and then started choking.

"When am I ever gonna learn that I can't breathe coffee?" NE muttered between gasps.

At the sudden outburts of sound from her sofa, Janeway hit her combadge.

"Janeway to Chakotay."

"Chakotay here.."

"Commander, my ready room - NOW." Janeway barked into the communicator.

"On my way, Captain."

Within a few moments the doors swoshed open and revealed a slightly out of breath Chakotay.

"What is it Captain?"

By that time, NE's and Lara's laughter had calmed down, and they were now sprawled on the sofa, trying to regain their breath. But as the Commander turned to face Janeway, they burst into laughter again.

A big sign saying "If your name is Kathryn Janeway - PINCH ME!" was attached to his rear end. At the sound of laughter coming from the sofa, he turned and Janeway saw the sign. So she pinched him.

Chakotay jumped at the feeling of someone's hand on his fine butt…Janeway's hand.

"With all due respect ma'am but…what are you doing?" He looked at Janeway who watched at something behind him. He turned to see what she was looking at but could only see an empty couch but when he looked closer he could see some brown spots on the floor.

He watched as Janeway walked over to the spots and inspected them. He walked over to stand next to her and saw her face turned into one of her death glares. Oh oh, not good.

"WHO IN THE HELL SPILLED MY HOLY COFFEE ON MY HOLY FLOOR?"

Lara looked at NE whom just stared at Janeway and than at the spots. She suddenly jumped up and bowed for Janeway.

"Me, oh holy Goddess. I'm am so sorry that I drank some of your holy coffee out of your holy coffeecup and than spilled it on your holy ground. How can I make it up to you?!"

Janeway tried to see where the voice came from but couldn't see anyone or anything in the room other than her and Chakotay.

"Okay, lick it up and kiss my holy boots! Behold the power of da boots!"

Chakotay got really scared now and slowly walked back until his soar butt bumped into her desk.

Lara laughed her ass off when NE was busy kissing Janeway's boots and slurping up the coffee with all the nice slurpingnoices included.

After what seemed like only a second, NE stood up and bowed gracefully at the Goddess in front of her. "I did what you commanded my Goddess. Is there anything else I can do for my holy Godess?"

Janeway though for something but couldn't find it than her face lit up and an evil grin spread on her face. "Well, I was going to give that job to Chakotay but you might as well do it. Okay, here take this and have fun."

NE accepted the things Janeway gave her and looked over at Lara whom inspected the things.

"A brush, cleaningstuff, a bucket with water and two toothbrushes. Oh, man."

After Janeway kicked them out, the JC nutters were running after each other on top of the Voyager what was fun off course until Janeway got the idea of going to warp…let's just say NE and Lara spend the rest of the evening throwing up.

"Okay, revenge."

NE looked at Lara in shock. "NO! You can't take revenge on the mighty Goddess with her holy boots."

Lara grinned and patted NE on her back.. "Nah, you silly. A revenge we and they are going to enjoy…eventually."

NE looked confused but did like the grin on Lara's face…this means fun!

~JC~JC~JC~JC~JC~JC~JC~JC~

So, after spreading some wopee-bags around the bridge and messhall, the fearcefull warriors, NE and Lara if you didn't know who I was talking about, rethreated back into Janeway's readyroom.

"Now what?"

NE shrugged her shoulders. She sat down on the sofa and started to think…yeah it IS possible for her to think!

After three hours:

SNOOOOOOOORRRRR, SNOOOOOORRR.

"I GOT IT!"

Lara jumped up and almost got a heart attack. "Would you stop doing that?"

"What?"

"Never mind. So, what's the idea?" Lara stretched herself and looked patiently at NE, waiting for her to tell her idea.

"Okay, here's the idea……__lock Janeway and Chakotay together....lights dimming, romantic music playing, a HUGE bed with heart shaped cussions and red blankets"

Lara grinned. "Oh, and we can give them a box with chocolates, whipped cream, strawberries, a bottle of champagne…no many bottles of champagne!"

NE nodded in exitment. "Yes, we want them getting tipsy from the champagne and a bit.. um.. relaxed from the chocolate, then they can feed each other with the cream and the strawberries, dressed in their sexy silk sleepgowns-

"-cos we zaped away their uniforms!"

They both had evil grins of their faces and clapped their hands together.

"Let's get started!"

~JC~JC~JC~JC~JC~JC~

Janeway was standing furious wrapped in a blanket looking at a even naked Chakotay whom was trying to look for something to cover himself. Only finding a bottle of champagne he put it infront of him to be a little more…descent. Suddenly now having the time to study his beautifull captain he grinned.

"Why are you looking at me? And why do you have a grin on your face?!"

"I hate to bring you this but that blanket is see-through."

Janeway sighed. "I might as well." She dropped the blanket from her naked body.

THUNK

"Oh great, when I was trying to talk him into getting to a solution of getting out he faints on me. Well…okay Chakotay pay back time."

Janeway took the whipped cream from the bed and emptied it over Chakotay while she put a cherry right on top of his…well…his…his. Oh for cryin' out loud, you know what I mean. bg

So, after an hour Janeway started to get hungry and because of Chakotay still being unconcious she couldn't resist and started to eat the whipped cream from his body.

"Oh, Kathryn."

Janeway averted her eyes from the spot she was 'cleaning' and looked at Chakotay's eyes. "Hey, there gorgeous."

Chakotay didn't know what was happening but he got his answer when he saw two empty bottles of champagne on the floor. He sat upright and pushed her gently away.

"Kathryn, you're drunk. This is not wise you're going to regret this."

She shook her head and looked at him and for a swift moment he thought he recognized 'her' kind of look but it didn't make him sure if it was her talking of the alcohol.

"Chakotay…."

He dropped his hands from her arms and watched her. She seemed so serious…far to serious for being drunk. He softly carresed her cheek with his hand and gazed into her pacific blue eyes in which his love for her drowned in.

She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. She opened her eyes to say something but she was silenced by Chakotay's hot mouth on her lips. She could feel the passion coming from him and a immence sensation spread through her body. Feeling his warm tonge tracing her lips she opened them and traced his with her tonge; searching, exploring , letting out her hidden passion and love for him.

Chakotay pulled back cos of lack of air, he took her hands in his and tentavly rubbed her knuckles with his thumb. He looked up at her and could see the question on her pretty face as he could see the tears forming in her eyes.

A lone tear followed it's way down her cheek leaving a wet trail before ending on her soft lips.

He bent forward and kissed the tear away, trying to take her grief away and he knew the pain she felt was in him too. A tearing pain pushing his feelings for her away.

I couldn't stop loving her and he never did. Neither did our beloved Captain. They were meanth to be together and no one (not even Seven) can stop that.

And, yes, they lived happily ever after.

Oh, and one day they encountered people that took away annoying, screentime taking people…the USS Voyager was never the same without Seven Of Nine.

END


End file.
